Depression feelings are back and I am fighting it back...

 Over the past few months I have been getting myself in better shape and I have been blogging about it along the way but I have been keeping some things to myself as sometimes its hard to write things down like it makes them more real or worse than they are when you write them down or tell other people. I love being on the journey I am on right now to exercise often and lose weight. My life in general is not bad I don't have many problems and things are fairly good. Not that there are no down sides there are. When telling someone that you sometimes have a hard time doing anything becuase it all seems so pointless and useless everyone seems to always end up pointing to all the good things you have and lack of problems you have as if that is going to make you feel all better and motivated to do things again. I know it comes from a place of love but when people say that to me I just end up feeling worse about myself. I have all this good stuff and yet I still would rather just doom scroll on the internet and go to sleep at 8pm or right after I put the kids to bed and sleep the night away. Part of blogging and puting myself out on the internet more was to combat these feelings. Get a little bit of joy out of someone liking a post or commenting a happy thing. The thing is I know that does not fix anything and that does just end up making myself feel a bit more hollow than before. Posting a picture online and getting 100 views and not one like makes it worse when I should not care one bit about it. Part of the reason its hard to blog sometimes are these feeling and lack of motivation. Luckly this has not stopped me from exercising this time. 

I am fighting these feelings this time, I wont let myself fall back into the depression cycle where I end up thinking of doing things never doing them and feeling empty as can be for not doing anything. There was also a bit of a revelation recently when I went to my DR. I will not share much about that but the depression might be caused by something else minor going on that is due to sleep. With out putting anything down because things are not 100 percent for sure on this I don't sleep right even when I get 10 hours of sleep I don't get rested so it leads to all sorts of other things getting out of sync like my emotions and motivation to do stuff. I will be getting this sorted and figured out and confirmed 100 percent soon but the way the appointments work it wont be until the end of the month. I am going to continue blogging and posting on social media while I figure out what is going on there. I am hoping that I can get out of the depression loop before the appointment but if not then that is giong to be another thing I make sure to mention again.

If you are having issues don't fear advocating for yourself and telling people I know for me I don't and it always ends up making myself loop back into the feelings or sometimes the lack of feelings. I am getting free of them this time. 

I am off to continue the journey and have more exercise related posts soon. Have a wonderful day and thank you very much for reading!

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