Something is wrong yet nothing is wrong...

 The problem?

I have been on this journey for a while now, I started this about 7 months ago and I am in fairly good shape as well as I feel a bit better about myself in general. I can do things I thought were for people that exercised every day to an unreasonable degree. Such as riding a bike for 6-7 hours that is a lot of riding for someone but its something I have done. There is a problem however that just started and I do not know what I can or should do about it. 

Getting on my bike in the morning I start out fine no issues for about 1 minute. After that minute it feels like my heart is beating out of my chest and I start feeling like I am having a panic attack. This is not something that happens when I run, walk, or do anything else it only starts happening when I get on my bike. I also know that it is not something like super bad because it goes away quickly when I get off my bike and do something else like walking or just resting mid ride. It does start to feel normal after a while of riding too but the heart rate is still far higher than it should be for the ride. I monitor all of this using Samsung Health and Strava and the tools are reporting the same thing I am feeling. I do not know what this feeling is all about or how to solve it. Normally I would know what the problem is and a solution to the problem but this problem is not something I understand. I have not had any major accidents or any one scream at me from a car so there is not a trama trigger for the bike yet that is the feeling I get after a minute of riding. Due to this feeling I have stopped riding my bike by myself and the weather is still good enough for a few more rides so it is killing me to not ride but I can not deal with the panic feeling when I start to ride. If I do figure out what the reason for this happening is I will update but for now I will limit the riding of my bikes and do daily walks and runs. I was going to have to stop riding soon anyway so its not that big of a deal more of just something that is bringing me down.


I still took a few rides recently with my family and putting the panic feeling aside the rides were nice the leaves are changing and the nice colorful views are something I enjoy quite a bit. 

There is more problems though.

So there has been another problem that is leading to more problems with me that makes me feel worse and worse about myself as it all adds up. The bike rides were something that I used to lose weight and to keep weight off. I have been very hungy and not caring much about what I eat I don't keep in the calorie range I had listed out before in my blog becuase that was going to make me loose too much weight. Well with out riding my bike and only walking and running I have started to put on a few pounds. This is nothing dramatic its only 5 or so and I am still in the 145 range but at one point I was 138 so I am putting on weight. Though the weight gain is not a lot its something that is eating at me becuase I put a lot of effort into loosing weight and trying to be on a journey to exercise. This is snowballing my mental health. I would not say that I am having major mental health issues its not like that but its something I am thinking about all the time and upset over. If I can not exercise right and over eating then the whole thing has been a waste and what was the point of it? I also have this feeling about keeping up the blog and trying to vlog the journey. I can't get started on the vlog and its not like anyone would care anyway so why bother start. This is the snowball effect where I feel like I am not controling one thing properly so the rest of the idea falls apart. All of this feeling is becuase I am not exercising the way I want to with bike rides. I will get over all of this and the jouney will continue as planned but this is a bump along the way that is bigger than other bumps. 

Anyway, I am off to continue the journey! Have a wonderful day and thank you very much for reading!


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